Never does he ever care, and worse, never does he ever KNOW. It was around this time that his husband’s fury sparked into a tiny flame. “What do you mean you don’t care?” his husband demands. “It’s about us. It’s always about us. It’s about the deep rooted hatred toward men like us.” Continue reading



Bathe? Bathe, you say? I only bathe twice a week and never on a Wednesday, darling.

No, we’re not woke.

Submitted to the NYT Opinions Column | 20 January 2019

We Millennials have been fortunate enough to not be stricken with the death tolls that traditional wars typically accumulate, thus, we’ve been living under this impression that our generation lives in peace (despite knowing that we do not), lives in reality, harmony, when in reality, we are living our war. The war of our generation is going on right now, right underneath our noses, without our consent, without our even knowing it. And this war is for the Soul of America. And as this is America, this is a war for the Soul of the FUTURE—a future intrinsically tied to technology. Continue reading

a recipe for success

Not that it matters to you, per se, but it matters, and it matters because—I’ll have you know—it was quite the success. Everyone arrived; everyone ate; the cake was fantastic; everyone left, and I was swimming laps on the roof by eight o’clock, pee em, which put me in bed around ten. Who celebrates birthdays anymore, as adults?

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I’ll ask the questions.

“Alright, now remember these … um … questions, and answer them as quick as you can, you hear? Great. Oh-kay, one, What exactly were you trying to accomplish? Two, Who the hell is that guy? Three, What did the little dog play? Oh, shit, no. Not that. Number three, Where or where did the little dog play? Shit! Uh, sorry, yea, I didn’t mean to scare you. Uh, num. ber. FOUR, How long have you know your ‘friend,’ Sarah?  Continue reading

it’s Dei … as in ‘Day’

Hi! My name is Dei, and I am a small, about one-and-a-half or, two centimeters tall celadon pig figurine. Typically, I spend the day perched upon whichever surface my keeper decides requires a bit of luck on any given day. Fortunately, my keeper has a partner who also is a keeper. My keeper’s partner’s lucky pig’s name is Ji. Continue reading