No, we’re not woke.

No, we’re not woke.

Submitted to the NYT Opinions Column | 20 January 2019

We Millennials have been fortunate enough to not be stricken with the death tolls that traditional wars typically accumulate, thus, we’ve been living under this impression that our generation lives in peace (despite knowing that we do not), lives in reality, harmony, when in reality, we are living our war. The war of our generation is going on right now, right underneath our noses, without our consent, without our even knowing it. And this war is for the Soul of America. And as this is America, this is a war for the Soul of the FUTURE—a future intrinsically tied to technology.

It wasn’t until I watched the first episode of (personally beloved) Killer Mike’s new Netflix show, Trigger Warning with Killer Mike, that I finally understood what all of you of Generation Y (too young to be a Boomer, too old to be a Millennial) have been trying to say to us “Millennials.” I’ve been seeing this type of nonfiction work trending as of late, and now it’s occurred to me that the people making these films are of a certain age. This age, to me seems under-represented, and now, I sort of see them pleading with us Millennials to WAKE THE FUCK UP, IT’S TIME. We have the numbers, it’s our time to pull our weight.

Don’t listen to all of these old people in power. Let them continue to ruin life for themselves. It’s time for us to do the thing we Millennials have been designed to do, trained to do. It’s time to use technology and social media to OUR advantage. Don’t worry if you don’t know what to do; it’s easy. It’s a game. All of the rules cannot be discussed or explained here, but here are a few things you can do immediately while someone writes up the rules for everyone to know and understand.


  • Step 1: You need a personal and a public account. Set your personal to Private. Keep your public, public, obviously.
  • Step 2: Empty your personal (set to private) account of anyone you do not honestly feel you could call on in a time of need. You no longer care about likes or stats on this account. It’s for your truly great friends with whom you want to share truly private moments of greatness, the Real You.
  • Step 3: Use your public account to Follow celebrities and brands that you support. The Consumer You. Use your Public Account as your Voter Registration Form and use your Likes as your Votes.
  • Step 4: And for God’s Sake! You’re a Millennial! Let the I-Geners fall for the traps of Influencers and “brand management.” Do better!


If the old guard corporations are the ones attempting to control us, now is the time to rise up and support the businesses we believe in. Now, here comes the tricky part. You must now use your dollar to vote in the real world, AFK. Of course, this is nearly impossible for 100% of your purchases, but the point is to simply be mindful of it, and attempt to reach a 50/50 place over the course of six months. Get as close to 100 over the course of one year. Feel empowered by the dollars you spend. Know that you are voting for everything about a company, not just its products when you spend your money somewhere. Eat some Hot Cheetos every once in a while, but try to support someone you know who makes things (truly makes them, with their own hands) or a company you know that’s funneling their profits back into the town in which you live as often as you can spare the expense. It’s basic economics. It’s capitalism at its finest. The flaws must be dealt with in Washington, but look, without a lot of cash or a lot of support, we have to live out a few more years (perhaps decades) of the old guard. That’s alright, though. We’re going to do it through the School of Hard Knocks. We’re going to build an America that has never been seen before. This means that we cannot listen to anyone except ourselves. We’re educated enough, and we’re obviously ambitious enough.

This is our time. The idiots in power have all but devastated our Phase One resources, but we’re resourceful. We have the tools of the internet. We adopted all of these technologies first. Now, let’s put them to work. Let’s build the America we want to enjoy as we grow old. Look at this shitstorm the “elders” built for themselves. Let’s not be them. Let’s be us, the goddamn Millennials who are ruining everything. We should have some cash by this point. It’s time to make our money work for us.

It’s not about Trump. It’s not about race. It’s about us. Who we want to be. What do we want America to be? This is war, and people are dying. The war is not between white and minorities; it is not between the rich and the poor; it is not between liberals and conservatives. The war is between the old and the young. Yes, we have generational issues, but they’re our issues. It’s our job to figure out what they are and deal with them.

We Millennials have always had the advantage. They (them old leaders) knew and still know this. They will not go down easy. We’ve been duped and suppressed, but now it’s time to leave them to their shitstorm. We can do better than this, right all? It literally takes an idiot to get here. We are the greatest, most fortunate generation to have ever had the opportunity to live. We grew up in America. America. The home of the BRAVE. The land of the FREE. We are Americans. Let’s show the world that we are not the shameful generation that precedes us. We’re different. We want something different. Be heard. Be heard, now! Determine what America means to you through the eyes of a world that thinks that Trump is America. Who are we? What are we all about? The world’s been waiting to hear from us, the next stewards of the American Dream. What should we tell the world?