I don’t want to live in a house. I want to rent an awesome apartment with amenities aplenty. But even apartment renting requires applications and approvals and basically the same sorts of hoops a home mortgage requires. My point remains—Being judged on one or more points of criteria by someone who is also being judged on one or more (probably unrelated) points of criteria by someone who is also being judged on one or more (probably unrelated still) points of criteria by someone who, etc., etc., &c., is the very special misery of living in today’s world.
When you apply for something (anything), you are being judged by people. Every single person is being judged by someone for something. How can proper judgments be made in this sort of system? Well, by heavily relying upon algorithms, and the thing that algorithms need is data … raw data … the stuff (supposedly) that we cannot control, manipulate or lie about. But what happens when we live inside the system that creates the systems that determine whether or not our data is “real” or real or “fake” or fake.
There is no such thing as an unbiased report on the self.
We’re all forced to make judgments, sometimes, about those who are making judgments about us. It’s insane. It might literally be insanity, the opposite of sanity. So, as I apply to rent apartments, I am being judged on any available data related to my financial and criminal standing. Some sort of artificial intelligence routinely scans my credentials and provided identification, and I’m essentially “run through the system,” but that “system” has been created by other systems and exists within a system of created systems. So, at what point do the systems no longer exist; at what point are we freed from the judgments of those who are also being judged? Who (or what) is the judgement-less judge?
My livelihood depends very muchly upon data points that are mostly beyond my control. And every point on my data-point identity depends heavily upon the existence of all of the other data points. A change in one of my data sets changes the entire shape of my data-point identity—I no longer am or I now officially am qualified.
The depressing point of this is that a lot (and I mean unknowable amounts of a lot or just a little bit of stupid) has to go wrong for an upper-middle to middle class white family to no longer be middle class. There are systems in place to catch them from falling too far. The flip side of that coin is that if one is in poverty, rising into the middle class is nearly impossible in These (current) United States.
And so, if I’m being really honest with myself, if I’m being really honest with the reality of my situation, I am not upset that this application process is annoying; I’m upset because I am just now realizing how difficult a life in poverty must be in America. And yea, it’s sad and pathetic that my mind is just now able to come to terms with the reality of the situation and that my “problems” are not problems because my family is comfortably middle class. My family (in its entirety) can financially prop me up until I “make it.” This is not the situation for most people. Of course, we are not rich or wealthy in American terms, but we are, nevertheless, very well off. It’s that generational wealth, that disposable income that can be spent on the entire family, not just your immediate family.
And I am not unique among my friends, which means that I’ve been living in a soft, cushy little bubble of things seemingly being able to happen for me, luck finding me, opportunity coming my way. We (my friends and I) were always primed and ready for luck and/or opportunity to strike. If something (anything) came up, we could all participate. I wanted for nothing (and I wasn’t [my parents swear to this to this day, but I do not believe them] even spoiled).
I do not know the reason behind my desire to write about this particular thing today, but I do know that whatever issues I am facing with my housing situation pales in comparison to the struggle that is life without any family money. And I want to change this; I have plans to change this. I’ve created and designed a wealth-distribution machine that will hopefully create opportunity for those who struggle the most. My job, now, is to build it.