|how.odious| Year Two: Day 024
2016 November 13 [Monday]
Welcome to the second entry of the six-part Mundane Monday Memoir. Oh boy, do I have a lot to say! Unfortunately, I am not allowed to write about any of the things I’d like to write about here, today, on my computer. Thus, I shall keep it mundane, as it were, and merely write about the fucking day-to-day of the past week. Disregarding the whole Election-Day outcome in the United States of America, I basically spent the entirety of last week arguing with various members of my family. One member said something like this, “I won’t be bullied by ‘open-mindedness’.” Another member consistently took the stance that I’m a real-life troll all while constantly considering his passive-aggressive nit-picking, substance-less aggression as, “Look. I’m just trying to have a conversation.” The latter is something about which I will write in further depth, but alas, I am not currently allowed to really share these sorts of meaningful insights at this time. Ugh.
Needless to say, although I am going to say it now, it’s been a tough, emotional week trying to “deal with” these particular people in my life. And then this thought sort of hit me when I pondered why these interactions are so difficult right now. Have you ever read the book Spark by John J. Ratey, M.D.? Well, in that book, the author’s general theory is that exercise and physical movement is what stimulates the brain into essentially being “smarter.” Of course, I’m giving a very generalized overview of the general impression I gained from the book as a mere reader of it. Anyway, shit. Okay, fuck it. I’m going to continue despite repeatedly breaking my rule(s). Okay, so anyway, what I took away from that book is a sort of less-physical idea of movement. If you’re not growing, per se, interpersonally, mentally, emotionally, &c., then you’re sort of also not stimulating brain growth. I sort of see Ratey’s idea of “movement” as change and growth, not necessarily in a physical sense. Thus, when I look at the two people with whom I have had recent conflict, I’m not really surprised that we would butt heads so ferociously. The gap between where their heads are at and where my head is at grows exponentially, especially when considering that we don’t even get to see each other that often.
As I change, my family is not seeing this change in real time or even at consistent intervals. As I expect that my family will change and be different people every time I see them, I am shocked by the lack of change. Sure, I see how ridiculously conceited and egotistical this all sounds, cause I’m basically stating that I think I’m growing and getting smarter while revealing that I think that some people in my life are not only dumb but also, getting dumber. But yea, that is what I’m saying. Even though I feel this way, it doesn’t mean I act this way. I’m sure the two with whom the conflicts arose think that I’m a fucking bitch, and they wouldn’t be wrong. Sure, I could be “nicer,” but where does nice get you? Ha! Nowhere, that’s where. Being smart also rarely gets you anywhere. My point is simply that when dealing with family, love is obviously off the table. Obviously I will continue to love you no matter what. What remains then are two options. Your options become enabling through lies or telling the truth.
With the first conflict, I opted for telling the truth, and with the second, I became a “Yes Man.” Thinking back on it now, I probably should have reversed my approach because the person to whom I lied is dealing with a much larger truth. Ugh. I say it all the time, and it’s relevance definitely stings, but you can’t know anything until you know it.
Back to the mundanity, the rest of the week was spent with a family member who came to visit. I did my damnedest to put on a good time, but this person spent 80% of our time together either on his phone or thinking about what he should do with his phone. So, the apathy was palpable. On Saturday, I threw a party to prove to this person that I’m not some anti-social hipster who thinks she’s better off with no friends, and my guest seemed put out, hardly participated, and seemed as though he’d rather be off in some dark corner on his phone rather than having to be so present amongst people who like me. Sunday my guest departed back to his current place of temporary residence. The rest of Sunday was spent recovering from the emotional strain and the physical discomfort of hosting a guest and hosting a long party full of libations and socializing. *sigh. For the record, I had a great time at my party. It was supposed to go from around 1800 to 2400, but no one even started leaving until 0130, and I wasn’t in bed until about 0330. Our [the lifemate and my] apartment was a huge fucking mess, but the lifemate assured me that that’s how he knows everyone had a great time. I hope everyone had a great time!
As a final word, I’ll say, yes some people are really predictable, but when someone surprises you for the better, make that person your friend.