Words, ‘Work’ and Withdraw

Words, ‘Work’ and Withdraw

HOY2: D248

Mundane Monday

I finished my fiction-writing, word-count quota early today, and so, I thought I’d jot down a few happenings. One moment please …

Wow, fuck! I haven’t posted a Mundane Monday post since April. I had to look up the most recent post, and yea, I’ll just say that I’m … sorry? To be fair, I spent four posts logging our Sydney vacation, so there’s that, at the very least. I’ve also been writing some poetry that I’ve posted sporadically between then and now as well. *sigh. Let’s see … where to begin, then? One more moment please …

Holy shit! We’ve been back from our trip for six weeks! Where does time go? Seriously, I want to know! Ugh! Oh, right, I know. I’ve been cranking out those words for my manuscript, which I am proud to say, I will finish in exactly sixteen days. Like I said at the opening of this nonsense post, I’ve been diligently writing my little [big] ass off since December, and I’ve realized that having deadlines and actual “work” to do makes time fucking fly. Oh, I also returned to The ‘Gram after our trip cause, let’s be honest, I really really really wanted to brag about the trip and all egoistically related suchness. So … there’s that.

As for real updates, there’s not much to tell. I’m two, ten-day due dates away from finishing my 150,000-word manuscript, and I’m quite proud. Obviously, I still haven’t completed the task, but I know I will, unless some sort of karmic balance needs to unfold … or something. With the potential for any unknowable circumstance that would/could prevent me from finishing my ultimate #goals still lingering, I feel fully confident that I will scale this particular undertaking roughly unscathed, physically and deeply knowledgeable and fit [bruised and bewildered] psychologically. A sort of this-is-what-I’ve-learnt-type exercise will assuredly [or perhaps not] come forth once I’ve actually completed the thing.

In other news, the lifemate and I are basically going to the movies every other weekend. Two weekends ago, we watched Wonder Woman, obviously. Uh, yea, I definitely fucking cried during that movie. It was crazy awesome. One of my blogging/social media rules is “No Commentating;” another is “No Critiquing,” so, yea, there’s not really much for me to say about the flick, intellectually. I also can’t really suggest the movie to you, dear readers, for fear that that sort of … proffered instruction would fall under “No Curating,” another rule. So, there’s that. Last weekend [picture set below] we celebrated the lifemate’s birth, which is sort of really stupid if you think about it, so we’re in discussions about how best to “deal with” certain “special days,” etc.

If there had been a movie to watch [that we would’ve been willing to pay to see], we would’ve gone to the movies last weekend but alas … . And then yesterday, we went and saw Transformers: The Last Knight, a movie for which I was quite excited. I’m not ashamed to admit that I liked the previous installment for what it was. I thoroughly enjoyed all the transforming in 3D; it was epic, and I was looking forward to more of the same, but alas, that was not what we were given. Oh well. And then obviously, we will go see Spider-man: Homecoming the weekend after next.

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In between all this movie watching, we haven’t been up to much except writing, ‘working’ [in my case ’cause the lifemate definitely work {no quotes} WORKS], and withdrawing. Yea, we’re trying to cut back on the liquor, but we’re still partaking in our summer slushies when we “hit the town.” My days are still the epitome of mundane. One ought not fear that you’re missing out or that my life is somehow, awesome. Of course, I think that my life is awesome, cause, let’s face it, it’s my life; and I love my life! But the reality is that it probably looks pretty fucking lame, and that’s fine. I have absolutely no qualms with looking lame. Just take a look at my The ‘Gram [at the bottom of this blog]. Ha! Obviously I’m lying, and I’m completely delusional about whatever it is that makes me feel as though I’m “OK” with people thinking my life is lame. I totally want people to think my life is awesome … obvs. The ‘Gram is a wholly different beast, though; I use it in a completely different way. If anyone’s willing to read my writing, then they’ll get the real [best parts that I’m willing to share as opposed to the, sometimes, totally contrived ‘awesomeness’ posted elsewhere] me. All that social media shit is just that … shit. But I like it; it’s fun. *sigh.

I don’t really know what else to say, cause, it’s like I said, my life is “Boring as Shit!” Well, I mean, shit might not be the proper … simile, so … maybe my life is “boring as an uncle you’ve been seated next to, whom you barely know, at a wedding for a person you barely know, who is telling you a story about someone you don’t know at all, for the second time in thirty minutes.” Yea. Nailed it. Peace out, bitches. Until next time …

 


 

Quickly, now …

Quickly, now …

|how.odious| Year Two: DAY NINETY-FOUR

2017 January 23 [Monday]

Mundane Monday

Since I also have a shit-ton of fiction writing due before today becomes tomorrow, I will make this Mundane Memoir quite short. There’s one exciting announcement, one new writing goal, an update about the weather, and there is a, uh, happening?, that I would like to touch upon for the sake of posterity. Shall I simply trot through the week in order? Okay, here we go.

Monday was, by far, one of the more exciting days of the past week or month even. When I was fifteen years old, I set a goal to travel to each continent [excluding Antarctica b/c one does not simply travel to Antarctica, but I do wish to be qualified to do a six-month stint there sometime in the future] by the time my twenty-fifth year of life came to a close. Proudly, I can state that I did indeed travel to every continent except one [sad face emoji]. Nevertheless, my goal has always pricked the back of my mind, and I’m excited to announce that I will finally check off that last continent this summer! For our [the lifemate’s and my] 2017 ETMC Travels, we will be traveling to … a dun dun duh da! … Sydney, Australia! Yay! I’m so excited, I can’t even think about it yet. So, diligent, focused writing and meticulous planning is the name of the game until we set off on our 2017 vacation in May!

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As for the new writing goal, my English student, SJ, requested [about three months ago] that I write a story using her as the main character. I sort of brushed it off as her request being mere excitement around my first novel that was published last October. But then, she kept on asking me about her story. I knew I needed a good idea before I could even hope to write, what would essentially need to be, a children’s story, so I just told her I would think about it. When the idea came to me, however, I kept it a secret so that I could present the story to her after she had hopefully forgotten all about it.

I’m so happy and excited with the result of this request that I’ve decided to draw up a few pictures and publish the damn thing as a children’s book. Woot woot! I’ve also decided that I will write a few more children’s stories. So, there’s that.

When considering the weather, it snowed an epic [for Seoul] amount last Wednesday, and then it kept on snowing off and on through Saturday. It’s been amazing! For a girl like me who grew up in the mountains of Colorado, I’ll just say I probably throw a tantrum every other day about how I can’t snowboard anywhere in this ephing country [I mean, you can, but I’m way too much of a snob to pay for a bunny hill].

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And then, Saturday brought about the most delightful snow storm that the lifemate and I decided would make for an excellent run! Thus, we ran our asses off until we were both covered in, surprisingly fluffy, snow! It was the perfect mood-lifting activity. I spent all of Sunday writing fiction so that I could reach my word count quota. This metric week’s quota is 6000 words, and I have about 1600 to go. So, I better finish up this, basically, nonsensical writing and get to it. Laters.


 

*It’s always nice to have something exciting coming at ya in the near future!

**Enough snow to require my snow boots!

To Christmas or Not To Christmas?

To Christmas or Not To Christmas?

|how.odious| Year Two: DAY SIXTY-SIX

2016 December 26 [Monday]

 

Good morning! This is probably the earliest I’ve ever sat down to write a blog post. It’s about 1315, and I woke up roughly an hour ago … haha … not really all that funny. Anyhow, I hope everyone had a nice whatever holiday it is that you celebrate! I had a fairly nice holiday. Thanks for asking. I find that celebrating this sort of holiday is getting tough, these days. Neither I nor my lifemate really WANT to celebrate Christmas. As children, nevertheless, [Christian] Christmas was a big fucking deal. So, we’re sort of finding it difficult to shed the whole celebration, decorum, and festivities of the season. No matter, every year we discuss what and how we want to “celebrate” this day that demands so many things. This is probably the topic about which I will write for this upcoming Feature Friday. Thus, I will refrain from going into further detail about how we approached this year’s “Season” and the things we’ve already discussed about how we will approach it in the future.

So … about last week’s happenings. One moment, please. I need to check in on last week’s post to see what I covered in the Monday post. Okay, so I didn’t write about Monday, which was when my actual birthday fell, and I had a nice day just hanging out and twiddling my thumbs until the lifemate got home. Once he arrived home, we went to Pizza Hut for dinner, which probably sounds really lame, but here in Seoul, western food is quite expensive and is never quite as good as it is elsewhere. Since we went all out for my birthday dinner on the Saturday before, I just wanted something we never eat. I ended up having a small meltdown after our server basically tricked us into the most expensive “set” in the entire restaurant. I was upset because the lifemate had already shelled out so much money on my birthday celebrations and the pizza was supposed to just be a fun little dinner, but then it ended up being another outrageously expensive [because we’re talking about fucking pizza here] meal. Also, if I were inclined to brag about the gifts he gave me, you’d gain further insight into my feelings about how he definitely didn’t need to spend any more money on me. In hindsight, we probably should’ve just done something at home. Anyway, that was Monday night.

Nothing interesting nor special happened on Tuesday. My last birthday present finally arrived on Wednesday, and it was so totally worth the wait. Thursday was spent finishing up some reading for last week’s Feature Friday. I also spent all of last week procrastinating. I had my 1500 word Feature due on Friday as well as 7500 words of fiction writing due on Saturday. On Friday, I started and finished the Feature. Luckily, my English student, SJ, had to cancel all of our classes last week, so I was able to hole up in the apartment all day on Thursday and Friday. On Friday night, I pounded out a few hundred words of fiction work … fail. But something’s better than nothing at this point. Getting back into the swing of fiction writing is tough, so I didn’t beat myself up at all for the meager output.

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On Saturday, we went to a friend’s Christmas Eve party. Um … It was nice? The problem I face with writing about the party is that I have true affection for the host of the party, but the party itself was a bit rough. There were two people there with all too similar … uh … toxic? … personalities. One of whom was an old friend of mine, and by “old,” I mean that she and I were friends. I met her shortly after we moved to Seoul, and we met up a few times and even went on a few couples’ outings, but I would not have defined our relationship as close. We were definitely still getting to know each other. Anyhow, one day, a few months in, she really wanted to talk to me about some problem that came up between her and her husband. It made me really uncomfortable for two reasons: First, they had only been married for about ten months at this point, and the nature of the problem was … problematic. Second, I did not feel as though we were close enough for her to share this level of problem with me, so I felt like maybe she just tells things to people, and that’s problematic for me, if we were to become closer friends and I were to share my life with her. That’s enough about that.

Anyhow, shortly after her [TMI] divulgence, I basically stopped talking to her. She avoided me too, and I don’t blame her. I mean, she opened herself up and told me a really sensitive, vulnerable situation. I honestly couldn’t relate to the way they handled the situation, nor could I relate to the way the situation arose at all in the first place. I listened and did my best to provide some insight for her simply by being a sounding board. So, yea, she and her husband were there, and she’s a bit antagonistic. Even before everything that went down went down, I found her to be a bit … negative. She’s very … smug. Hence the lack of closeness between us in the first place.

As far as the other toxic personality, this other girl was someone I met for the first time, and let’s just say, I had half of one conversation with her and then made sure I didn’t have to interact with her again. I overheard much of what she spoke to other people, so I knew it wasn’t me. She spoke to everyone this way. I’ll just give one small example from half our conversation. I found out that she was vegetarian earlier in the evening, and then later, some of us were just talking about how we eat and what not. This was all at a Christmas party mind you, so the atmosphere of conversation ought to remain lighthearted, at least, that’s what I thought. Other people clearly don’t feel that way.

Anyway, so I was talking to one of the guys about how the lifemate and I eat a super low-carb diet, and how we found it to be awesome because we never realized how good it could be to be able to eat more fat. The guy I was talking to had a similar revelation too. Then the vegetarian said, “Uh, like low-carb is such a fad, and there are like so many risks. You’ll end up with kidney disease because you eat too much protein.” [If the irony of this comment is lost on you, then you probably also don’t understand how horrible this girl was.] I wasn’t trying to convince anyone of eating a low-carb diet nor was I promoting it. We were simply talking about how we eat cause it was just a talking point at that point. She also wasn’t even part of the conversation.

I am all too familiar with this type of toxic person, so I simply responded with, “Really? I mean, do you know how much protein I eat? You don’t even know if I eat any meat products. I think you also have to eat like two pounds of meat protein every day to end up with any protein-related problems, but what do I know? Do you know?” She had no response, obviously, because that’s how you deal with people who don’t actually know anything but who are compelled to exert their lack of knowledge on everyone else. It was awesome.

Aside from the few little social frustrations, I had a nice time. The party as a whole was a bit … strained. I just kept to the people who were feeling the Christmas vibe and just chillaxin’. We ended up back at home around 0200, and I didn’t have that pleasant, after-party warmth, which was a bit sad. Oh well. I’ll state it again because this is how much I truly enjoy the host’s company; despite the lackluster charm of the party itself, the host was gracious, happy, and altogether pleasant as always. Perhaps she felt the strain too because I heard a few comments from her that made me feel as though she was aware of the not-so-cheery atmosphere, but I think she threw a great party. You can never really predict the personalities that show up. Unfortunately, one really antagonistic, socially inept person can infect an entire group.

Christmas Day was very low-key. We both woke up around 0900 and immediately turned on A Christmas Story, but then I passed back out until about 1230. Once I was up for good, we exchanged gifts and then called my parents. The lifemate made some breakfast while we watched a basketball game and played with the cat. Then we finished up Season 15 of Project Runway. We watched Step Brothers while we played a few rounds of heads up Hold ‘Em. Then off to a candlelit dinner we went. Once we were in for the evening, we watched Die Hard, which I had never seen before, and I will probably never watch it again willingly. Throughout the entire day we were sipping vodka and eating butter cookies [yes, I realize that cookies are not low-carb … haha … but twas Christmas. We also ate pizza like twice last week because of the holidays, yum!] I think we probably tucked in for the night around 0330. It was a nice little holiday. I also managed to get in all the workouts I planned last week. All-in-all, I feel pretty good today, despite the pizza and the liquor.

Now, I’ve gotta go outside to see if it’s actually raining. It’s not too cold to do a circuit today, but if it’s raining, I’d rather not, which means, it’s a the yoga day. I also really need to find some diligence in prepping this week’s feature and hitting my fiction-writing quota. Sorry this was a long, arduous, slightly-depressing post. This is my blog though, so yea. Suck it. Until Friday. Laters.


*Christmas Crackers! The host of the party gifted me a build-your-own set after she explained to me what they are. If you don’t know, find a British person to explain to you the tradition.

Bags, Booze, and a [my] Birthday

Bags, Booze, and a [my] Birthday

|how.odious| Year Two: DAY FIFTY-NINE

2016 December 19 [Monday]

 

After the conclusion of No-Writing November and the commencement of the two metric months [100 Earth days = 1 metric month] that are to be spent writing book two [to be named … something … once I think of something to call it], I have already failed to write my first non-fiction-type Friday post, which will henceforth be referred to as “Feature Friday.” The short story is that I am a chronic quitter, and to my detriment, I’m getting used to not sticking to my goals. Nevertheless, I’m not entirely sure why I stated in the last post that that was the last installment of the Mundane Monday Memoirs because I already knew that I would continue to write that exact style of post throughout the year, on Mondays *sigh. Oh, and it’s Monday. Whatever.

The long story about why I failed to write my first Feature Friday post last week revolves around the conception of an idea that actually required a bit more research than I had initially expected, especially since I was forbidden to write on my computer until last Wednesday, which meant that it was sort of an unfair length of time to produce a Feature. Despite this, I should have planned better, obviously, and should have had an idea for something more manageable about which to write. Hopefully, I will indeed get the piece finished by THIS Friday because I also have my first 7,500 words for book two due on Saturday. Ugh. I basically hate writing. I’m not entirely sure why I even do it.

It’s that whatever it’s called … an antic? … an aphorism? … one moment please while I use my friend Google … no, neither, so, I suppose I will go with a platitude, since that’s sort of the closest I can get at the time of this [fueled-by-vodka] writing … where like writers love being done with their writing … “they” say the best part about writing is being done, having written whatever … blah, blah. Onward …

The events of last week were again quite blasé and uneventful, until the weekend that is. Ha! The lifemate began my birthday celebrations last Friday, and they will come to their fateful end tonight. Boo. I’m less inclined to talk [brag] about how we had the best day filled with shopping, an urban walkabout, fancy foods, and other activities that are none of anyone’s business. The only thing about which I’ll go into more detail is dinner.

We found a wonderful Spanish tapas place called Spain Club out in Gangnam at the COEX mall. It was divine. We started with some cocktails [an old fashioned for the lifemate and the signature margarita for me]. Then we ordered our entrée first, the seafood paella. OMG … it wasn’t the best paella I had ever had, but it was pretty damn delicious, especially for Seoul. With the entrée we split a bottle of Syrah, and then before we were even finished eating all of the paella, we ordered the gambas al ajillo after tasting the deliciousness of the shrimp in the paella. OMG … seriously the best shrimp I’ve ever eaten … ever. After we ate, we finished off the meal with a drink called the White Lady. I’m not entirely sure how long we were there, but I imagine it was much longer than I thought. We were … inebriated.

After dinner we shopped a bit more, and then, we stopped through the On the Border [yes, I know, but you can’t understand how truly amazing Mexican food is until you can’t eat it … ever … even when we’re talking about somewhere as derivative as On the Border … yes, I understand that most people understand that Mexican food is amazing, but seriously, you can’t really understand its amazing amazing-ness until you’re deprived of it … like most things in life, I guess] that we also found at COEX [there’s another one that we usually frequent downtown and closer to our home], sipped more margaritas and snacked on an appetizer platter, most of which was bagged up so we could take it home. It was, to be fair, the second dinner within like three hours.

 

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That’s enough about that. Yesterday was a wonderfully lazy [recovery] day. I think we probably watched like five hours of the 2016 WSOP Main Event, and I’m not ashamed to admit this. I guess that’s about it for today because I don’t even want to be writing this damn post in the first place, so really, you’re just getting my shits. Sorry [not sorry].

Laters.


*a birthday presents sampling … uh, kinda crazy.

Season’s [F*cking] Greetings

Season’s [F*cking] Greetings

|how.odious| Year Two: DAY FORTY-FIVE

2016 December 05 [Monday]

Oh my ephing ay! This is the Fifth [5/6] Installment of the Mundane Monday Memoir, which is a consolation day for writing as I am still deep within No-Writing November [yes, I know it’s December, but No-Writing November is the name of the six weeks that I forced myself to participate in as a “break” from writing after my book release]. I still have nine goddamn days until I can write about anything of any substance. The worst part about all of this is that I actually have a bit of a rant about the holidays, and I cannot write about it; I can’t write about it on a computer, that is. I have written a few notes down in the notebook the lifemate bought me expressly for this purpose, but it’s not enough! Ugh! There is an even worse part though, I suppose. I’m deathly terrified that once I’m freed to write whatever whenever [and that I sort of must], I won’t have anything to write! *sigh

Oh well. I can’t really worry about that now, especially since I have a handful of nonfiction topics about which to rant. As far as Book Two is concerned, however, I have nothing. I have absolutely no thoughts, ideas, questions, nothing about the book and where it’s heading. Again, though, it’s not really something I should be worried about at this point. Thus, I will move on to the truly mundane aspects of my life over the past week.

Most of last week was spent soaking up this unseasonably warm winter. I did a series of circuit workouts at the park during the day on MWF, finished up the November Yoga Challenge, began the December Yoga Challenge, and we went for an early evening hike yesterday. As far as socializing, the lifemate borrowed a Crock-Pot from one of his coworkers. When the coworker and his husband came to drop it off, we offered to compensate them with a few shots of vodka. Three and a half hours later we polished off the entire bottle over a fairly intense conversation about life in Korea. It was excellent.

On Saturday, we attended a wedding [where we also had the chance to converse with the coworker and his husband from the night before. The coworker’s husband, btw, is one of my favorite Koreans ever]. The ceremony was quick and beautiful.

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Afterwards, we [the lifemate and I] strolled along the river toward Nowon where we shopped a bit and picked up a bottle of tequila. For dinner, the lifemate used a coupon I made him, and we ate pizza and fried chicken. Hoy. I was feeling quite glad about busting my ass at the park earlier in the week.

Yesterday, we both slept in pretty late, which was amazing. Then the lifemate made his kickass chili, and then he found out that he bought the wrong printer ink cartridge. It was a tense afternoon. Haha. Needless to say, I was cranky, but still wanted to hike because I’m trying to do a little personal research on what it’s like to “live for your social media.” So, I thought, “I will go on a hike today so that I can take a pic of ‘going hiking’.” I didn’t want to hike because I wanted to. I wanted to go on a hike so that I could say, “I went on a hike … Check out this pic!”

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I’m merely testing a little theory of mine about how people use and internalize their social media use. And I gotta say, I’m not entirely sure if doing things just so that you can post them is a bad thing if it gets you out of your house and into the world. So, the question seems to now be something else.

When examining how it seems like some people warp and shift their own lives in order to ensure that everything about their life is “shareable,” I’m sort of beginning to understand more about the implications of that type of behavior. Shit. I’m not supposed to be writing about this. Ugh! Uh, one last thing before I get yelled at for breaking my rules yet again, there are definitely some significant differences between those who share only the best parts of their lives and those who fabricate a life offline that can always be fully bragged about online. Ugh. Okay. I’m done.

Let’s see. Oh yes, I also sent out a big box to my parents for Christmas and my mom’s birthday. I truly dislike the entire idea of exchanging gifts because you must. Gift giving is my love language, and so I put a lot of stock into giving and receiving gifts. I love to give gifts. It is the way that I show someone I like and/or love them. Thus, the idea of “A Season of Giving” is so unappealing to me because I want people to give me things when they want to, not when they’re supposed to. The same goes for my giving of gifts. *sigh

For the past few years I’ve opted out of giving anything more than a card with a picture to my parents because I just don’t like the hassle. This year, however, I actually had some ideas for gifts to give my parents, and so I put together a little box and sent it off. I’m genuinely excited for them to receive their gifts this year. There’s this sort of perverse irony to this season’s wishing of peace and goodwill as everyone busts their asses and their bankrolls to partake in the celebration of … of what? Love? Consumerism? Joy? Religion? Gift giving? This is the first year in a long time that I’ve wanted to give gifts, and so, I sent gifts.

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Wouldn’t it be nice to simply exchange gifts whenever we felt like it instead of being forced to during this “most wonderful time of the year”? Maybe I don’t feel like sending gifts now, but if I don’t, people feel unloved. Boo. I mean, when did society determine everything through the acceptance and/or rejection of your actions by your peers? Like the totally fucked up practice of buying a chopped-down tree so that you can drag it into your house and watch it die over this “holly jolly holiday,” all in order to avoid being ridiculed with, “Is that a fake tree?” Yes, it’s a fake fucking tree because then I can use it year after year without killing a perfectly good tree and being a hypocrite who uses reusable bags but who kills real trees for no goddamn reason! Good riddance!

Damn it! I wrote more writing. Fuck!

Oh! I’m planning a little online shindig! Check me out on Instagram to get the full details on December 10th! You won’t hear about it here until the following Monday in the final installment of this no-writing nonsense. So, there’s that.

Until next week …

Does it even matter?

Does it even matter?

|how.odious| Year Two: DAY THIRTY-EIGHT

2016 November 28 [Monday]

Yes, this ought to be the fourth installment of the Mundane Monday Memoir, but I didn’t feel like writing last week, so I didn’t. These entries are really just an “out” for when I really want to write despite No-Writing November. Today, I still don’t really have much to say, but I feel like writing.

I’m finally reaching that point when I’m beginning to feel depressed and really shitty about myself and my life. This may sound awful, but it’s a place in which I desperately need to exist if I’m ever going to write this second book. There are many things mulling in my mind that range in topics from hatred to discipline. I honestly have no idea where I’m going to go with this second book, but that’s not really the point. What I’m trying to do is wait. I wait for the moment wherein my internal thoughts and feelings reveal themselves to me. If there’s anything I know about myself, it’s that I cannot force any sort of creative endeavor. Sure, I can be diligent about writing and practicing my writing, but I can’t just hope to land somewhere interesting. All I can do is wait for it to reveal itself to me. Ugh. *sigh.

I have come to a decision about another aspect of my life. I have officially decided that I must start painting again. If there’s something else I know about myself, it’s that I’m a pretty good painter. I need to start painting again. Thus, I will. The lifemate bought me a really nice canvas last year for my birthday, and we prepped and gessoed a square on our living room wall so that I could paint a mandala there, but have I painted a single stroke yet?, of course not.

Don’t be misled by my enthusiasm. It’s not really that I WANT to paint. I’ve just kind of come to the realization that I MUST. I like to paint, and it’ll probably be really good for me, emotionally and creatively. We’ll see.

In the meantime, I am finishing up the November Yoga Challenge: #PebbleToNextLevel. I’m a few days behind, so I am going to finish late. At this point in my life, though, I can’t be so hard on myself and quit just because I didn’t complete the challenge “perfectly.” Despite being a bit behind, I just have to keep pressing on and remind myself that it [the yoga] is not a competition that I will ever “win.” My the yoga practice is just that, all mine. So, yes, I will finish the last few postures, but no I will not have them practiced and photographed by the end of today, which is the technical end of the challenge. I will, however, complete the damn thing by December 1st, hopefully. *sigh.

As far as documenting the goings on of the past two weeks, there’s not much to tell. I go to tutoring; we [the lifemate and I] watch movies and eat food together every day; it’s fucking freezing, yet I still sweat sometimes while outside; the cat continues to howl in the early mornings and is a general pain in our ass, but I don’t blame him; this is one tiny apartment. Sometimes I’m wracked with guilt because I want his company, but it seems a bit cruel to keep him cooped up in here all the time. Ugh.

Alrighty. It’s time to drop off some pics to print for my parents, drop off some coffee for the lifemate, do a short circuit workout, swing through Lotte Mart to pick up some presents for my parents, and do the yoga. Until next time. I have two more weeks of no writing, so I make no promises about when you’ll see me again. Laters.

Treasure Troll

Treasure Troll

|how.odious| Year Two: Day 024

2016 November 13 [Monday]

Welcome to the second entry of the six-part Mundane Monday Memoir. Oh boy, do I have a lot to say! Unfortunately, I am not allowed to write about any of the things I’d like to write about here, today, on my computer. Thus, I shall keep it mundane, as it were, and merely write about the fucking day-to-day of the past week. Disregarding the whole Election-Day outcome in the United States of America, I basically spent the entirety of last week arguing with various members of my family. One member said something like this, “I won’t be bullied by ‘open-mindedness’.” Another member consistently took the stance that I’m a real-life troll all while constantly considering his passive-aggressive nit-picking, substance-less aggression as, “Look. I’m just trying to have a conversation.” The latter is something about which I will write in further depth, but alas, I am not currently allowed to really share these sorts of meaningful insights at this time. Ugh.

Needless to say, although I am going to say it now, it’s been a tough, emotional week trying to “deal with” these particular people in my life. And then this thought sort of hit me when I pondered why these interactions are so difficult right now. Have you ever read the book Spark by John J. Ratey, M.D.? Well, in that book, the author’s general theory is that exercise and physical movement is what stimulates the brain into essentially being “smarter.” Of course, I’m giving a very generalized overview of the general impression I gained from the book as a mere reader of it. Anyway, shit. Okay, fuck it. I’m going to continue despite repeatedly breaking my rule(s). Okay, so anyway, what I took away from that book is a sort of less-physical idea of movement. If you’re not growing, per se, interpersonally, mentally, emotionally, &c., then you’re sort of also not stimulating brain growth. I sort of see Ratey’s idea of “movement” as change and growth, not necessarily in a physical sense. Thus, when I look at the two people with whom I have had recent conflict, I’m not really surprised that we would butt heads so ferociously. The gap between where their heads are at and where my head is at grows exponentially, especially when considering that we don’t even get to see each other that often.

As I change, my family is not seeing this change in real time or even at consistent intervals. As I expect that my family will change and be different people every time I see them, I am shocked by the lack of change. Sure, I see how ridiculously conceited and egotistical this all sounds, cause I’m basically stating that I think I’m growing and getting smarter while revealing that I think that some people in my life are not only dumb but also, getting dumber. But yea, that is what I’m saying. Even though I feel this way, it doesn’t mean I act this way. I’m sure the two with whom the conflicts arose think that I’m a fucking bitch, and they wouldn’t be wrong. Sure, I could be “nicer,” but where does nice get you? Ha! Nowhere, that’s where. Being smart also rarely gets you anywhere. My point is simply that when dealing with family, love is obviously off the table. Obviously I will continue to love you no matter what. What remains then are two options. Your options become enabling through lies or telling the truth.

With the first conflict, I opted for telling the truth, and with the second, I became a “Yes Man.” Thinking back on it now, I probably should have reversed my approach because the person to whom I lied is dealing with a much larger truth. Ugh. I say it all the time, and it’s relevance definitely stings, but you can’t know anything until you know it.

Back to the mundanity, the rest of the week was spent with a family member who came to visit. I did my damnedest to put on a good time, but this person spent 80% of our time together either on his phone or thinking about what he should do with his phone. So, the apathy was palpable. On Saturday, I threw a party to prove to this person that I’m not some anti-social hipster who thinks she’s better off with no friends, and my guest seemed put out, hardly participated, and seemed as though he’d rather be off in some dark corner on his phone rather than having to be so present amongst people who like me. Sunday my guest departed back to his current place of temporary residence. The rest of Sunday was spent recovering from the emotional strain and the physical discomfort of hosting a guest and hosting a long party full of libations and socializing. *sigh. For the record, I had a great time at my party. It was supposed to go from around 1800 to 2400, but no one even started leaving until 0130, and I wasn’t in bed until about 0330. Our [the lifemate and my] apartment was a huge fucking mess, but the lifemate assured me that that’s how he knows everyone had a great time. I hope everyone had a great time!

As a final word, I’ll say, yes some people are really predictable, but when someone surprises you for the better, make that person your friend.