i watched an interesting youtube video by a one Oh! Stephco with regards to “pretty privilege,” and honestly, i learned a lot.
firstly, i had no idea that someone so beautiful (Oh! Stephco, herself) could see herself as not-pretty due to the experiences she’s had with regards to how people treat her, aka make her feel. everyone says that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but so is jealousy. so when i consider how she feels like she definitely does NOT suffer from pretty privilege because nobody treats her as if she’s pretty, i feel sad.
the other things the video made me feel are confused, irritated, misunderstood, and a bit snobbish. should i speak to each of these things (warning: there may be more feelings that arise, that i’ll touch upon when they do inevitably arise, and i will not update the aforementioned list of “things” if this happens, which it might not)?
fine.
confusion … i feel confused because, like i said, i find the self-proclaimed-not-pretty youtuber to be quite beautiful, and no, i don’t care if you disagree, obviously. i also feel confused because of the amount of time she’s clearly thought about and thereby created theories upon this idea of “pretty privilege.” i do not disagree with this notion that pretty privilege exists, but it’s broader to me and encompasses anyone who is either attractive, talented, interesting, famous, and/or rich. in general, i think that society “rewards” (and i use quotes here for reasons that will become known as i work down my list of “things”) anyone that society has deemed exceptional. you’re exceptionally rich, congratulations, society wants to be you. you’re exceptionally talented, congrats, society wants to be you. you’re exceptionally beautiful, congrats, society wants to be you. etc., etc., etc., until you reach that point wherein everyone wants to be everything. confusion because what most people (like this youtuber) fail to understand is that people who suffer from “pretty privilege” and talk about it, are largely unskilled. so, if you’re anyone with a skill (one teensy, tiny skill), then you’ll actually get farther in life than that “pretty woman.” it may SEEM as if the “pretty woman” is getting ahead, but in what sorts of ways is she ACTUALLY getting ahead?
irritation … i feel irritated because “pretty privilege” isn’t all that it’s cut out to be, which made me realize that she really has not suffered from people vying for, craving, wanting, expecting your validation &or approval. it’s a social burden that “normies” place on people society has deemed exceptional. when someone looks up to someone, the person being looked up to now has this burden to validate your existence. how fucked up is that? now consider specifically how fucked up it is for someone to look up to someone who is “pretty” with this desire to be validated by that person. it’s one thing to admire someone for their intellect, look up to them and want to be validated by them, but to obsess over someone whose mere SHELL appeals to you is so far beyond desperate that it’s pathetic. so, when the youtuber states that she can see how she does not suffer from “pretty privilege,” she should be grateful that people aren’t constantly harassing her to be her friend, to acquire her validation, to need her acceptance.
and i know what you’re thinking, “OMG, how fucking ungrateful is this writer?” yea, i know. i am fucking ungrateful. and perhaps you’re thinking, “There are a lot worse things to be burdened by,” to which i respond, yea, i know. i am fucking ungrateful, and it’s all my fault because i refuse to participate in this social imbalance where “normies” need my approval &or validation because i’m the “cool, hot one.” you wanna know why i feel this way? BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING PATHETIC.
so yes, i understand that as a sufferer of “pretty privilege” my only options, as far as superficial impressions are concerned (because i’m also fucking smart, which is sorta like a double-whammy when it comes to people’s need for my approval), are to be that #QUEEN who uplifts and validates everyone while gaining nothing in return (because i do not wish to turn a profit off my image) but more people needing my approval and affection (and those sorts of whoreish people who take that attention [like a certain former-reality super-queen of those who have-not but who can buy butts, i mean, who can buy anything, who has turned that need for approval into cash] and spin it into a social prison for themselves [but whatever, they’re rich!]) and be beloved, OR i cannot give two-fuchs about these needy “normies” and be cast as “that bitch.” i’ll be that bad bitch any day of the week, cause it’s like i said, i’m not the one who needs friends.
where was i … ?
misunderstood … just because someone might suffer from “pretty privilege” does not mean that they, themselves, know what sort of influence or affect they have on people. so, the saying forged by the uggos and unfortunate-looking goes for the beautiful as well, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” just cause she’s pretty doesn’t mean she has to be nice or pretty on the inside. and for those of you who DO suffer from “pretty privilege” and sit on high as you look down casting your judgement while proclaiming your validations, go fuck yourself.
snobbish … if you think i’m pretty and you need my validation for your stupid-ass imitation of my style &or ideas &or existence simply because i’m pretty & cool, get a fucking life. there’s nothing MORE off-putting than someone desperate to extend me a privilege because they like the way i look. ugh, gross.
and how does my mother fit into all of this? well, i recently learned that my life was not what i thought it was because a) my family emotionally abused me my whole life (until i stopped talking to them, obviously), and b) because the truth about white people is that they really are a fucked up peoples.
as a little orphan, adopted from a foreign land, transplanted to a foreign land, at an age when i was not only old enough to understand what was happening to me, i was also old enough to speak any thoughts i might feel, i ended up in a home with an adopted mother who verbally abused me every chance she got. yea, she’s a Class-A Bitch. not only did she routinely cut me down whenever she saw me and said, “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful,” as she would pretend whip her non-existent hair, which would immediately be followed by some comment about my hair and how she wished she had hair like mine, and how different her life would be if she had hair like mine. this is obviously not a really good example of why i consider my mother a bitch of all bitches, so here’s a better example:
whenever i’d be on my period, or whenever my mother suspected i was on my period, she’d say, “Are you on your period, or are you about to start?” i would answer, and she would say, “Ah, I knew it. I can always tell because of that little belly pooch.” for the ENTIRETY of my life until i was about thirty years old, i was five-feet, four-inches, 124 lbs, and a loose-fitting size four. another time, my brother’s best friend (in childhood) thought that it would be fun to tape his eyelids back so that he could “look Korean” so that he could attend Korean camp with my brother and me. my mother laughed out loud and shared that story, routinely.
and the biggest kicker of all is that my grown-ass white mother CONSTANTLY NEEDS MY VALIDATION! wtf? wtf?
so, no. i’m not interested in validating the desperate. no, i’m not interested in affirming the uggos with my presence. no, i don’t give two shits about whether or not you like the way that i look because the way that i look is the way that i look, and the worst part is that when you are a sufferer of “pretty privilege” nobody cares what you THINK.
so yea, should i have a bit more grace with people who want to adore me and have me affirm who THEY are? sure, i suppose because i understand that i get to live my life looking like this while others have to live life looking the way that they do, but just because you think i’m pretty doesn’t mean that i think i’m pretty so don’t be an asshole when you feel entitled to MY uplifting, nice, friendly face simply because YOU like the way that i look. ya hear?
don’t get it twisted. “pretty privilege” is not about those upon whom the privilege has been bestowed … it’s about everyone else who bestows it because they’re too pathetic to have a life that has nothing to do with wanting yours.
Lady Polarity 